BREAKING NEWS
SLEEPYSIDE ON THE HUDSON, NEW YORK
Reported
by Ryan Murton
Jim
Frayne, heir to the Frayne fortune, was killed by a man from Jupiter,
Florida today named Mark Zuzan.
He
was found in the gatehouse by his special friend, Trixie Belden who ran
screaming “JIM IS DEAD JIM IS DEAD! SUZAN KILLED HIM!”
Nearby
a visitor from Australia named Katrina choked on her Yankee thing.
She recovered quickly but was still pale from the shock.
They did wonder about her bruise but she explained it was from
Starbucks where she spent time with people, including a mysterious woman
named Susan, suspiciously close to Mr. Zuzan’s name.
Also
nearby a woman named Steph pointed out to anyone nearby that in Chicago
they had bears who played football. Most people found her quite sweet but also daft.
Through
the entire ordeal a group sang Disney and TV theme songs led by a young
man named Mark who, at other times, kept trying to find his towels.
Mr.
Frayne, who’s age was unknown even to him, and changed according to the
whims of people all named Kathryn Kenny, had lived in Sleepyside after
escaping his horrible stepfather and having been adopted by the also rich
Wheeler family. He was in
love with Ms. Belden, but would only give her fond looks and hold her
hand.
People
Magazine had done a search for extraordinary ordinary people and the
reporters who found Mr. Frayne couldn’t believe how supple he was!
He COULD EVEN POSSIBLY BE A GAMEKEEPER!
Mr.
Zuzan was jealous as he had been second in line for being the Supplest Man
Alive, and killed him by shooting him.
Funeral
services will be held at the Sleepyside Cemetery.
Close friend of Mr. Frayne, one Daniel Mangan, will be unable to
attend because he is chopping wood. The
Lynch twins will perform at the funeral but the girl twins have never been
named.